Miscarriage and What Dads Can Do for Their Partners
Men and women deal with grief in different ways. Between the two, men move on a lot faster. And this often leads to arguments between partners. It’s convenient for women to judge the guys as callous or uncaring.
This can be a possible scenario during a miscarriage. While the mother finds herself crying for days and nights, she may find her husband ready for work after a week. It’s important for couples, especially for the husbands, to also learn what to during a miscarriage:
1. Listen. Your wife doesn’t need to hear a piece of advice. Most of all, she doesn’t need to hear that everything is going to be okay. For her, nothing is, and it would not be for a very long time. What’s important, though, is you can let her feel that you’re there for her. Listen to her woes and frustrations. Allow her to share to be more open about her feelings. By sharing her thoughts to someone like you, she’d less likely go into much deeper depression.
2. Don’t take everything upon yourself. Your wife will be very frustrated and angry, and sometimes she may take it against you. She may blame you for a lot of things, even for those that you know you haven’t done. However, arguing with her will only make things much worse. It’s best if you can just let these things pass and look for the most perfect time to talk to her about it.
3. Allow her to grieve in her own pace. Don’t be too frustrated or disappointed if you would still find her crying after a couple of weeks. There’s no definite time line for grief. You may encourage her to go out and go back to her old routines, but don’t push it if she doesn’t want to. She’d only call you insensitive if you do that.
4. Never lose that intimacy. It’s these situations that often force couples to be in their own thoughts and feelings. The isolation and the feeling of separation, however, may take a toll on the marriage. Miscarriage should never be a reason to lose that intimacy or passion. Besides, you can be intimate without having sex. You can take her to special dinners, leave sweet notes by her bedside, prepare a hearty breakfast in bed, or just tell her that you love her.
5. Participate in therapies and support groups. Your wife may decide to join support groups or to go through therapies to better handle the grief caused by the miscarriage. It’s advisable that you are there for her as she goes through all these. Not only will this prove to her that you truly care about her, but it also will give you a whole new perspective about grief.
6. Fill yourself with a lot of love. When you have a lot of love inside, you have a lot of it to give, especially to your partner. When you feel like you’re running out of it, remind yourself by using subliminal messages or affirmations:
I can surround myself with love.
My love is overflowing.
I am loved at all times.